I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
wow bdsm is so cute
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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