Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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