Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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