She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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