It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
