3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
where am i from again
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
