it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
