trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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