a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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