You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
