I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
