why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
