Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
