If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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