May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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