When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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