i barfeds in our rink
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
