what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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