Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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