I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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