big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
