Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
