thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
