You smell like stripper and shame
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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