Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
