I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
