im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
