I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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