M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You're like the curious george of whores
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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