I just pynch a tree in the face
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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