just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
