Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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