Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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