i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
