My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
