the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
