My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
