she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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