i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
