Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
