its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
this hospital has no fireball
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
