i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
