ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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