she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
