I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
