you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
