Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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