Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
