If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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