uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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