All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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