my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sorry about my life...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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