And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
do nipples grow back?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
