How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
