I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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